If you’re in a situation (work, relationship, or any…) where you’re not receiving the respect, love, and kindness that you deserve, or, where your inner voice is just telling you, “This was a bad idea…” – or “How did I get myself in to this?” – give yourself permission to create an exit plan and start moving toward the door. Examine what you’re tolerating and make shifts accordingly. Life will support you.
So, I had a random little experience while visiting Paris (totally in love with that city) earlier this month that was empowering, a little brave, super fun, and thought provoking – all at the same time.
We had booked an afternoon tour to visit Monet’s Gardens at Giverny, which I was looking forward to being a passionate gardener. On the day of the tour, it poured rain. I’m talking buckets.
We showed up, since the booking confirmation said rain or shine. The bus was an hour late to pick up our group, and the city was gridlocked with traffic jams. We were feeling uneasy about the circumstances, but boarded the bus anyway.
A few minutes into the ride, rain pounding so hard we couldn’t see out the windows, the driver announced that it would take at least 90 minutes to get to our destination, at which point we might only have a half an hour before they closed. I looked around the bus, which was inching along in traffic, and saw people looking pretty miserable. I tapped my friend on the shoulder and whispered, “Do you want to get off? Do you want me to ask the driver to stop the bus?” It was an easy decision.
I got up and politely asked the driver to stop the bus so we could jump off. We had no plan, but anything seemed better than spending 4 hours round trip on a tour bus to spend 30 minutes at a garden in the middle of a storm.
At the next light, the driver opened the doors, and we said, “au revoir,” jumping off the bus in the rain, laughing and feeling thrilled by our decision. How to spend a free afternoon… in Paris… in the rain? Suddenly, the rain seemed like the best thing in the world!
We walked the shops and found a little café, where we ordered a bottle of wine, some amazing food, and spent time people watching and chatting with locals. It was a delicious, joy-filled few hours that turned out to be a the result of a good, split second decision to abandon a plan gone wrong.
This experience got me thinking about how many times in our lives we find ourselves on a bus we probably shouldn’t have gotten on, headed in a direction we don’t feel good about.
We’ve all been in situations where our inner-voice was telling us to abandon ship, and for whatever reason, we kept going to our own detriment. We give in to pressure from obligation, pressure from others, fear of disappointing people, or maybe even because we invested and are hesitant to lose our investment – even if the price of staying on course is more costly.
We spent over $200 on that tour, but we realized quickly that even if we didn’t get our money back, it was worth the loss not to have to waste an afternoon stuck in traffic on a tour bus. We weighed our options and decided the potential loss was okay with us – and it turned out to be the right decision. We did get a refund, by the way.
So, here’s what I want to share with you and get you thinking about…
If there is any situation in your life – a job, a relationship, and obligation… anything that you don’t feel right about, but have been unsure of what to do or afraid to make an exit… just do it. It doesn’t have to be a graceful exit. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and you may disappoint some people. But, it’s not about that. It’s about being true to you.
I can remember times in my life where I stayed unhappy in jobs for way too long, went on trips I didn’t want to go on, and gave my time to things that didn’t feed my soul out of obligation. I can remember many times I went through with things I didn’t want to do because I was afraid of disappointing people.
Now, there is something to be said for keeping a commitment if it’s going to hurt people or cause big problems if you don’t follow through, but 95% of the time, that’s not the case. And, you want to know what else? People will forgive you, and they’re much more understanding than you think.
Many of these situations can be avoided by being more conscious and really examining how you feel about a commitment or situation before getting yourself embedded in it. Sometimes a “no” is the best solution. But they can’t always be avoided- sometimes we don’t know things are going to go south until we’re in the thick of it.
So, if you’re in one of these situations, how to begin your plan to get off your metaphorical bus to misery? First, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” or “Can they do fine without me, really?” You’ll find that the answers are usually pretty supportive of your desire to exit. Trust me, almost every time they CAN get by without you and everything will be fine.
Then, make a call, have a conversation, or send an email – whatever you feel is appropriate – and kindly explain from your heart the way you feel, that you need to remove yourself, and if needed, that you are happy to assist with any transition resulting from your exit. It can be uncomfortable, but the discomfort will be short lived – and the result just may be an amazing afternoon at a Paris café – or something even better.
Let go of what’s not working. Be brave enough to move on. Make bold choices. It’s okay if they’re last minute, split second, or otherwise – as long as you’re following your inner-voice. Be audacious enough to ask the driver to stop the bus so you can jump off and see what adventures are waiting for you.
P.S. – Be sure to comment & share below – I’d love to hear from you! And, feel free to download your free copy of my Empower Your Day eBook on the right of this page so I can keep you posted on future happiness happenings! Here’s to soul freedom! xoRead More
Hi Friends! I hope your summer’s off to a fantastic start! I’ve got great news to share! My brand new podcast, Happy, Free, & Wild with Kristi Ling – is now available on iTunes!
I’ve been working on launching this for quite some time. You can help make it a success by listening and subscribing – I think you’ll really enjoy it!
In the premiere episode, you can hear my interview with the inspiring Queen of Disco, Gloria Gaynor, about divine timing, making it through challenging times, and the story behind her iconic song, I Will Survive! (I was so thrilled to interview her). Who has not belted that song out at one point or another?!
Hear the behind-the-scenes story of her legendary smash hit song, her new album, and get the scoop on her awesome new book, We Will Survive – True Stories of Encouragement, Inspiration, and the Power of Song.
Enjoy the premiere episode, as well as episode #2, which is up too! (I wanted to start things off with a bang.) Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode by clicking on “view in iTunes” and then hitting the “subscribe” button.
Be sure to leave a rating/review in iTunes as well to help share the news. So much great stuff coming up! It’s going to be an amazing summer!
Much Love & soul freedom,
xo KristiRead More
Hi Friends! It’s been beautiful lately here in L.A., so I’ve had tons of opportunity to work in my garden. It’s one of those things that totally lights me up! Here’s a picture (left) of the peaceful new seating area I just finished.
While building a fence over the weekend (yes, me with hammers, nails, wood, and wire!), I had a powerful thought about happiness, grief, and our ability to heal that I wanted to share with you.
I was happily hammering away at a fence post when I felt familiar pangs of pain yanking at my heart. They came on suddenly, as they sometimes do. I felt a little frustrated that a loss occurring nearly two years ago in my life was still stabbing at me at the most random moments. Can you relate?
Even the happiest, most grounded people aren’t immune to pain from devastating grief and loss, which everyone will experience at some point. But, I grew up believing that old saying, “Time heals all wounds.” I heard it from my family, from the media, and from my teachers. However, I’ve come to know the real big truth about that… Time itself doesn’t heal anything at all – WE DO – it just takes time to do it. (Click to Tweet!)
And, sometimes it takes quite a while. And we need to push forward, even when we don’t want to. Cut ourselves a break for the time it’s taking. Continue actively taking steps to get better. Every single day. Healing, just like happiness, does not take place without action. Action is what heals. Effort. Practice. It may not be what we want to hear, but it’s the truth. And, it’s where our power to thrive and shine again resides.
So, what I want to share with you is that if you’re hanging out waiting for time to heal your heart, your spirit, or even your body… we all need to remember that it’s not time’s responsibility to do that… it’s ours, and action is required if progress is going to happen. Time is just a friend to help us along the journey.
We heal our heartache, grief, and regrets through action, growth, forgiveness, and gratitude…and through frequent, deliberate steps to move forward and step into the awesomeness and light that is here in this moment, and always waiting for us around the next corner if we allow.
Have you ever read The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett? It’s my favorite novel of all time (if you’re a Game of Thrones fan like me, you would also dig this book). There’s a great analogy for this message in there.
In the The Pillars of the Earth, it takes the builders of 12th century England decades to build the massive, majestic cathedrals. Everyone talks about how long it took. But, time did not build the cathedrals, the builders did. Their effort, sweat, creativity, and action… and just look at the amazing result. They powered through and made it happen, no matter what life threw at them.
So, I invite you to join me in recognizing that we are always the ones with the power. While time is a factor (a broken bone, for example, takes a certain amount of time – but also care – to heal), it’s not the driving force.
What healing actions can you take today to expand your happiness and health? Step forward, break out your best moves, and make room for the amazing things that are waiting. Here we go!
Love, sunshine, and healing action,
P.S. Leave me a comment on this post and tell me what you think with the hashtag #springcleanyourspirit, and be entered to win one of the fab gift bags packed with goodies from my Spring Clean Your Spirit retreat!Read More
Do you ever feel like something’s missing in an area of your life? Relationships, business, passions… it’s something most of us experience at one time or another.
Long ago, I learned from A Course in Miracles that when you feel like something’s missing in any situation, the answer is what’s missing is what you’re not giving. I’ve found this to be powerfully true in so many instances. It’s an idea that’s changed the way I show up in many areas of my life for the better, and keeps me focused on always doing the best I can, asking, “What more can I offer?”
But, I’ve recently learned there’s something else that can help us shift that feeling that something’s missing — connection. Deep, soulful connection – to other like-minded people, the Universe, nature, a higher power. It’s something so many of us cruise through our days on autopilot without paying much attention to or consciously inviting into our lives. But that’s the thing… it must be consciously created.
What happens when we go without this for too long is that our soul starts to feel there’s a gap – like a vitamin deficiency of the spirit. Lack of deep connection in our lives can feel like driving a car with partially deflated tires. The result can be that familiar, empty feeling that something’s missing. It can cause us to feel a bit sad, stressed, hollow… even depressed… without really being able to pinpoint the cause.
It takes conscious effort to nurture that part of us that is in need of deeper connections. It takes reaching out, deliberate effort, mindful communication, precious time out of our day… but when we create the habit of seeking and nurturing these connections, the empty feelings fade and those spaces are filled with powerful joy, peace, happiness and purpose. If we shift to live this way regularly, we can reduce or eliminate that “something’s missing” feeling, and become more connected to Love, the Universe, to each other, and to community at the same time.
Deeper connection can mean different things to each of us, and the connections we need can sometimes change. It’s all about going within and listening to what kinds of connections your own soul is craving. Deep conversation with friends? Prayer? Meditation? Brainstorming with people who share your passions? Art? Touch?
A few areas I’m looking to create deeper connection in my life are with nature (I’ve been working in my garden TONS and it really lights me up!), with friends (It’s so easy when you work from home to go weeks without seeing loved ones), and with the ocean. The ocean, to me, is such a powerful place of magical connections and reminders of things far bigger than we can imagine. I plan to spend much more time there.
So, I invite you to join me in seeking and creating deeper, more meaningful connections. What’s your soul longing for? Maybe it’s a more regular spiritual practice, or maybe it’s simply spending more sacred time with a beloved friend or pet. Let me know in the comments section. Whatever it is for you, always be seeking… always be making the time. Connection – to Love, passion, and to higher energetic vibrations – is the master key to filling life’s empty spaces.
Much Love & soulful connection,
I’m hosting a 1-day retreat at my private home & urban farm space in L.A. on May 18th – it’s the Love. Your. Life. Spring Clean Your Spirit Retreat. Would love to see you there!
This will be a small group (space is very limited), and the day will include workshops with me on happiness & living a dream life, vision board creating, a fantastic veggie brunch, gift bags, and new friends!
If you’re outside the L.A area, I can recommend a nearby hotel that’s affordable and very nice.
Hope you can come hang with me! See you in May!
In my new video, I share 3 of the top causes for stress and anxiety, and some tips for zapping them both. Reducing stress & anxiety is essential for our health, energy & best life. These tips and perspective changes will help you kick those joy suckers to the curb. Check out the video & let me know what you think in the comments. xo – Kristi
Hi Amazing Friends! I hope you are loving my new website as much as I am! I’m writing this post for three reasons, the first of which is to say THANK YOU and how grateful I am that you’re part of my community. Everything I do – the classes, blog posts, events – is for you and because of your amazing support. And, many times the posts (especially on Facebook!) are just as much for me!
The second reason is a personal announcement. My last name is changing back to my birth name of Ling. This was a decision that I considered very carefully for a very long time. I feel very connected to my birth name and am excited to return to it! Psyched to share the new look of my website and logo with you! Let me know what you think in the comments – would love to hear!
Random Ling facts: It’s both Norwegian and Chinese, and has much history in both cultures. It’s also the name of a meditation Mudra (hand position) that is said to help warm the body and assist with clearing sinus congestion (many of us could use that this time of year, right?!) Google “Ling Mudra” – it’s pretty cool!
I’m super excited to share everything that’s coming up with you – from the launch later this spring of my online course, Happiness Bootcamp, to many more new videos, a brand new podcast and more! Be sure you’re on my newsletter list (sign up to the right and you’ll receive a free copy of my Empower Your Day eBook!) to be the first to know about all the good new stuff!
Also, to celebrate all this awesomeness, I‘m hosting a FREE teleclass for you on March 25th called 3 Incredible Keys for Lasting Happiness ~ Finally! This class is packed full of great tips, tools, and huge perspective changes that will rock your foundation. If you can’t be on live, no worries – you’ll receive a link to the replay via email. Thanks so much to the over 100 of you who have signed up already! Register free here.
Thanks again for being here! Leave me a comment below and let me know what you think of the new site! Looking forward to sharing awesome, life shifting goodness with you on March 25th!